WhyNeverMarried?com
Relationship Quiz: How fast can you find your perfect match?

by Carl Weisman

Direct questions or comments about this article to
Carl Weisman
PO Box 1941, Redondo Beach, CA 90278
Email: Carl@WhyNeverMarried.com

Two Steps to Finding the Right One

There are a lot of books and articles out there that purport to tell you how to find or attract the right person. You know, the love of your life. There is a book entitled Seven Spiritual Steps to Finding the Right Relationship and one with the title Eleven Steps to Finding Unconditional Love. Now I like to keep things simple and I think seven steps is too many (so you can imagine what I think of eleven). There is even a book called Three Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life, which I have to admit is pretty impressive and the world record holder for fewest steps to the promised landÖuntil now.

After listening to all the men in my book, So Why Have You Never Been Married, tell me why they havenít met the right one, Iím convinced that it can be done in as little as two steps. Thatís right! And for proof of that I give you, well, me. I found my right one with the two steps I am about to share with you. They are simple, straightforward and easy to understand. The first step is even fun to do. Itís the second, life-changing step that trips up most people.

If you read my article The Resume and The Puzzle then you know that I believe you cannot find your missing puzzle pieceóyour right oneówithout carefully studying the puzzleóyou. You have got to know what you need and what you want. So, step one is to describe your ideal person, your right one. You canít find that person if you donít know what youíre looking for. It is actually better to do this when you are not in a relationship for fear that your current significant other may bias your results.

What I did was get out my Excel spreadsheet and I made a list of everything I wanted in a woman. I mean everything. Looks, money, spirituality, sex, how she acted in certain situations, what she looked like in a bikini. You name it, it was on the list. It came to over 100 items. Of course I wasnít likely to find that woman, let alone attract her, simply because she didnít exist. She was just some abstraction in my mind, but it was still important to make the list.

To bring things back to reality I went through my list and for every item in the list I made the following decision: nice to have or have to have. Some things on the list were frivolous, especially in a long term relationship, and some things were non-negotiable. These are referred to as deal breakers. Now my list was down to only ten items. Ten things I had to have in my right one. As a final step, I decided to rank the ten items in the list in order of importance. Itís pretty exciting when you find someone with the first few items on your list.

Thatís it for step one. Itís fun, easy, and now you know what youíre looking for. Ready for step two? I bet you think Iím going to give you some advice on how to find such a person. Thatís too easy, and it probably wouldnít work. Hereís the secret. Now that you have the list, you donít look for that person, you become that person. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Letís say for example the number one thing on your list in a perfect partner is someone who works out regularly and is in great physical shape. If you donít work out regularly and arenít in great physical shape then what makes you think you deserve such a person? I happen to think the universe is generally fair and would like to see in-shape people find each other. But beyond that, if you do work out regularly where are you spending your time? Working out at the gym, hiking on a trail or running on the sand. The same exact places the person you want to meet is. When you become the person you want to meet, you live their life, which makes them easier to find.

Go back and look at your list. Do you want a partner who has a masters degree? Do you have a masters degree? No? Go back to school. Not only will you earn the right to be with that person, but youíll be spending time in the very place you are likely to meet them. Do you wish now that you had put different things on your list?

It seems simple but itís really quite profound. The biggest obstacle to finding the right one is becoming the right one. Once you become the right one, then, and only then, will you find your right one. And becoming the right one doesnít just work because you are in the right place to meet them, it works because it changes you. You either change some aspect of yourself or you change whatís on your list. You open yourself up to seeing things you didnít see before.

Thatís how it was for me. I modified my list which opened me up to meeting women I might not have considered before, including the one Iím with today. I did not meet her because of who she is, I met her because of who I had become. The two-step process worked for me. If youíre in search of the right one, give it a try. Youíve got nothing to lose, and you may find a new you.

Direct questions or comments about this article to
Carl Weisman
PO Box 1941, Redondo Beach, CA 90278
Email: Carl@WhyNeverMarried.com