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Relationship Quiz: How do you know when youíre ready?

by Carl Weisman

Direct questions or comments about this article to
Carl Weisman
PO Box 1941, Redondo Beach, CA 90278
Email: Carl@WhyNeverMarried.com

The Renoir Effect

I have to admit I went to a ďgentlemenís clubĒ a few weeks back for the first time in as long as I can remember. As far as these establishments are concerned, this one was pretty tame: the female dancers actually kept their tops on. In essence it was a bunch of young, good looking women with great bodies dancing in their bikinis. Now before you start thinking Iím just like every other lecherous guy out there you need to know that I went at the behest of my girlfriend. Her girlfriend was throwing a birthday party for her brother and buying him a lap dance seemed like the prefect gift. Her girlfriend decided to make celebrating her brotherís birthday one big co-ed party, bikinis optional.

Because we were coming from work, my girlfriend and I drove separately, and as is typical in our relationship, I arrived first. The place wasnít crowded and I decided to take a seat at a small table as far from the stage as possible in the hope of being left alone. I didnít want a lap dance and I didnít want to spend the twenty bucks it would take to secure one. I just wanted to wait quietly and nurse my beer while waiting for my girlfriend and the rest of the party to arrive. It didnít take long for the first ďentertainerĒ to approach my table and ask me if she could join me in a conversation. I understand the game. The women are there to make money and the predominately male patrons are the source of that money. I was a potential customer so she wanted to talk to me, but I summoned up the courage to say, ďNo thanks, Iím just waiting for some friends.Ē I thought that would be the end of it.

Not much time passed before another dancer approached me to ask if she could join me and this time I relented. I wasnít comfortable doing it, I just figured they would keep approaching me until I agreed. It makes sense. Why else would I be there if I didnít want what these women have to offer? So there I was, faced with the prospect of having a meaningless conversation with a woman who only saw me as a potential pile of money. Did I mention that the girl was gorgeous?

I may have a girlfriend, but Iím not dead. While I think my girlfriend is beautiful, I also acknowledge other beautiful women. And whether it is societal influence or DNA, I donít think there will ever come a day when I donít notice other good-looking women. That wonít ever change. But what has changed is what now goes through my mind when I see one. I call it The Renoir Effect.

Several months ago my girlfriend and I were in Philadelphia visiting my family. While there we had noted that the Philadelphia Art Museum was having a special exhibition of Renoir paintings. We had some time to kill and so we decided to go see it. You donít need to be an art historian to appreciate the brilliance of Renoir. Each painting we saw was more breathtaking than the last. I cannot recall the title, but my favorite was of a man and a woman in a field. Her white dress was painted in such a way as to make it seem as though real sunlight was reflecting off of it. It was unforgettable.

I recall seeing many beautiful paintings that day, and I recall something else. I had no desire to own one of those Renoirs. I didnít want to possess one and I didnít want to take one home. They were beautiful right where they were. They were something to be admired for a brief time and nothing else.

What does my day admiring Renoirs have to do with beautiful young dancers? Everything. That night at the gentlemenís club it occurred to me that I felt the same way about the dancers as I did about the Renoirs. They were beautiful right where they were. They were something to be admired for a brief time and nothing else. I didnít want to own one and I didnít want to take one home. That observation was an eye-opening revelation to me. After a lifetime of being single and pursuing multitudes of women in the hope of finding the right one, I had unknowingly become a man who could be content in a relationship with one special woman. I no longer looked at young, attractive women as a potential upgrade to my relationship. They were no longer the next step in the sequence. They had become just a scene to admire along the road of life.

It was with a sense of relief that I embraced that revelation. The day a man makes that transition and embraces The Renoir Effect is the day he knows he is ready for more in a relationship. I suppose the Renoir Effect works on different time frames for different men. Some experience it at a young age, some at an old age and some men perhaps never experience it. It happened later in life for me (Iím 49), but it happened, and it seems to me to be right on time. Iím glad it happened when it did and I wouldnít change a thing. And I canít wait for the Van Gogh exhibit to hit town.

Direct questions or comments about this article to
Carl Weisman
PO Box 1941, Redondo Beach, CA 90278
Email: Carl@WhyNeverMarried.com