Never Married Stories (full text)

Finding love later in life, by Jeff, 48
When I was 15 I met a girl that I knew would be a part of my life forever. Suzy had a look that was cute for a 15 year old, but more importantly, a look that "clicked" with me.  [She was] a person I knew I wanted to get to know.

We became close friends and dated for only 1 week when I was 21 (she was 18).  She had me in the "friend" box and that is all we were for the next 28 years.  Through her 13 year marriage we remained friends.

She divorced in 1996 and we were still friends, not real close, but close enough to where we could do anything together.  And it was like we had been together for years; [it was] a friendship that one cherishes.

Last year I was at my going away party (I moved to Kansas City).  I told her that from the moment I met her 32 years ago, I always thought we would be together some day, but I am happy as could be knowing I had a true friend for life with her.  She started crying and wondered why I had never told her.  I thought she knew...go figure.  (Maybe another reason 40 something's stay single is they/I don't show their feelings.)

We then started to cultivate a fantastic relationship.  We both knew what we wanted.  We have both had all the sex and adventure with different mates and we both still love sex, so we can explore all types of sex with the trust factor firmly in place.  We both know each other and trust each other at the highest level.  We are absolutely perfect for each other.  As friends we have always gotten along perfectly, matching personalities.  We both love to laugh, have many friends and everyone gravitates towards us in any social setting.  As of this writing I am packing up and moving home and we will live together.  We plan to marry and spend the rest of our lives together.  We are mature, know each other and ourselves, know what we want and know each other (for 32 years).  I believe this type of love is available to any 40 something, if for no other reason than experience.  As a 48 year old I think it was worth the wait.

My Story, by Carl Weisman
So why have I never been married?  The truth I discovered about myself in researching the book is that getting married was just never very important to me.  As a teenager, as a young adult and even into my thirties it simply wasn’t something that occupied my mind.  I wasn’t anti-marriage; I never gave it a second thought.  I suppose the real questions is why not?

By all accounts I had terrific parents who stayed together for 44 years until my father died.  They fought, sure, but probably less than most parents.  They weren’t big on public displays of affection, but who was from that generation?  They loved each other and their children the best way they knew how and I knew it.  So why didn’t I want to emulate that?

I have always been attracted to unique things, exceptional things, extraordinary things.  From as far back as I can remember, I had this internal feeling as though I was put here to do something really out of the ordinary with my life, and there didn’t seem to be anything extraordinary about getting married.  Hell, anybody can do that.  And I wanted to do something unique.  So, I suppose for that reason, marriage never captured my attention.  I never looked at marriage as an addendum to one’s life.  I saw it as the definition of one’s life.  A very ordinary life.

Additionally, from my early twenties on, I recognized that I was restless with life.  I was fascinated to try new things and bored with old things, especially jobs.  I quit at least two because I was bored.  To my way of thinking, the way to really get the most out of life is to try as many things as possible before you leave this place.  I suppose to some extent, I was the same way with relationships.  I was restless to try a bunch of relationships.  I wasn’t commitment phobic, I was an explorer on an adventure.

We’re all on our very own unique journeys through life and we only get to make the trip once  We make the best decisions we can at the time given who we are and what we think we want.  At the precipice of turning 50 and having never married, but currently in a relationship that could certainly lead to that, I would have to say that of all the paths I could have chosen, I chose the right journey for me by remaining unmarried to this point. And I feel really good about that.